I Observe...

Can't really say I have wasted 3 years of my life in the software industry. ...2 employers, 3 offices in 3 cities of 2 metros, 7 bosses, 4 projects, loads of colleagues.... I have observed and learned many things...

1. 86.3% of all the software problems can be solved by restarting the machine.
2. In case the above observation did not help you solve your problem, then nothing will.
3. When your boss asks for a demo, your machine (which has not crashed even once after you joined the organization), crashes all of a sudden.
4. After the crash in the previous observation, you realize to your horrors that all the work you did in the last couple of weeks was not backed up.
5. Once the previous realization is washed away in half a dozen of vodka shots, you suddenly remember that the previous backups were stored in the C:/ drive of the crashed machine, which means you need to start coding from the scratch.
6. The new cute girl who joined the unit will invariably be put in the project, which is seated farthest from your cubicle.
7. When your boss gives a demo to your big boss, he will always click on the single incomplete link (randomly choosing it over the 137 other working links), which you had planned to develop as soon as the demo was over.
8. When one bug is patched, on an average, the patch introduces 2.7 new and unrelated bugs.
9. If instead of patching the buggy code, you put extra efforts in reworking the entire module, then the next change request will be to scrap that module all together.
10. In lines with the previous observation, if you spend your weekend in redesigning and beautifying the user interface of a module, the first mail from your boss on the next Monday will be to move that module to the back end.
11. When the HR manager tries to call your extension to get somebody to mentor the new cute girl, your extension will be perpetually engaged with calls from free credit card agents or pre-paid to post-pad converters.
12. Your development environment will be closed and at least 3 chat windows will be open on your machine when your big boss walks over to your cubicle to appreciate you for something. When you do a frantic ALT-TAB, the browser page, which comes up will be cricinfo.com.
13. In case you manage to close the IM windows and the innumerable unmentionable websites mentioned in the previous observation, your big boss may ask you to open your Mail client to check some details from a mail, which he sent sometime back. Your personal folders ‘Mad Bulls’ or ‘Training Batch Babes’ will be bold with the figure 17 in brackets. After 7 minutes, when he asks you to go back to your mail client, the number will be 93.
14. At the project party, when the only cute girl of the project finally agrees to dance with you, the team lead decides its time for dinner.
15. Your boss calls you on your cell to check if you have completed the work he asked you to do. Even though you are enjoying your coffee at CoffeeDay, you tell him you are doing the final changes and is about to hit F5 for the final build. You hang up, take a final sip and turn to put the coffee cup in the bin and see your boss staring at you from the next table slapping shut his cell.
16. You save all the junk on your desktop. You do the same with the latest report graph image you generated. And you ask your colleague to open it and check the data while you are busy on the phone. The image she clicks opens up showing your friend smooching his GF.
17. Again at the project party, when you manage a hard driven spike in volleyball or a summersault in the swimming pool, the only cute girl of the project, who was around till then, misses that as she is busy on her cell or probably enjoying the beauty of the night sky.
18. If something the client told or wrote can be interpreted in two or more ways, then always, yes every single time, the one you chose turns out to be wrong.
19. If to negate the after effects of the above observation, you choose one initially and change over to the other at the last moment, the result will be the same. You will still have egg on your face.
20. You fight till death, threaten to resign, sacrifice an onsite chance and use all your influence to get into the team with 34 girls and just 2 guys, only to see the team getting dissolved the very next day and the 3 guys (including you) being put in production support (for the next 1 and a half years) of the same project.
21. When you deploy your application on a new machine, first run will always give you an exception screen no matter how much precautious you are.
22. Appraisal process is an annual (or biannual, depending upon the whims and fancies of the HR team of your firm) drama. You are the jester. Salary revision is just a revision or redistribution of your salary and does not necessarily (or practically) mean salary hike.
23. The newly joined cute girl posts a technical query in the discussion forum. You google, call up your friends using your personal cell connection, visit the library, waste half a day and finally find out the answer and post it in the discussion forum. Once you are through with this long process, you notice that some geek had posted the reply in flat 7 minutes after the question and the girl had already put her Thank You mail and her second doubt.
24. Estimation of software projects is highly accurate and précise. The only two fields, which are slightly more accurate than this art form, are astrological predictions and meteorological predictions. Usually a 3-month project, under no circumstances, will be slipped out of schedule by say more than 11 years.
25. And the last one is, we should stop blaming the British for whatever they did to us before 1947. With our software skills (code named as outsourcing), we've looted back a lot more money than they had in 400 years...
    

Whose war are we fighting?

“If there was a heaven on earth...” - Mughal Emperor Jahngir

Today, the same heaven on earth is in a condition, which will put even hell to shame. A partition based on religion, accession by one side, help from the other side, which translated to another accession, three wars, number of UN resolutions, a yet to be held plebiscite, thousands killed in proxy and direct wars...

History (collected from various web sites)

Kashmir was one of many princely states in India and Maharaja Hari Singh was the ruler. Under the Partition Plan in 1947, the states were free to join either India or Pakistan. Hari Singh announced his plan of leaving India and forming an independent dominion on June 3rd, 1947. J & K Government announced its decision to enter "Stand Still" Agreement with both India and Pakistan. Even after signing the agreement, Pakistan cut of supplies of food, petrol and other essentials to J & K, and put pressure on J & K to accede to Pakistan. The new Prime Minister, Mr. Justice Meher Chand Mahajan, on 15th October 1947, complained to the British Prime Minister that Pakistan broke Stand Still Agreement and stopped supplies and stopped railway service from Sialkot to Jammu, and requested him to advise Pakistan to deal fairly with J & K and stop raids on the border. Governor General Jinnah was also approached for the same.

On 22nd October, all out invasion of J & K started, along Jehlam Valley road through N. W. Frontier province, the raiders being tribesmen led by regular Pak officers. All Muslim forces in Muzafarabad deserted and joined the aggressors as advanced guard. On 24th Oct, the raiders captured the Mahura powerhouse, supplying electricity to Shrinagar. Shrinagar was immersed in darkness. Raiders declared they would capture Shrinagar by 26th October 1947. Government of J&K approached Government of India for military help on 24th October. In his request for help, Mahajan agreed for Indian accession. The Indian Cabinet rewarded this offer with the decision to send army. V.P.Menon went to Jammu and flew back with Instrument of Accession signed by the Maharaja. After a long discussion in Defense Committee, it was decided to accept the Accession subject to proviso that "a plebiscite will be held in the State when the law and order situation allowed."

The action sequence through which Kashmir was joined to India is described in ‘Freedom At Midnight’ thus: Thousands of Pathan warriors from the North-West Frontier, bordering Afghanistan, rushed into Kashmir, vowing to seize it for Pakistan. Although they were a rabble, they might have succeeded. They were close to Srinagar, the capital, when they were delayed by their lust for loot and women. They wasted one night in pillaging towns and raping girls and nuns, which was just enough for the Indian Air force to set their foot in the Kashmir soil and thus prevent a Pakistan occupation.

In early hours of 27th October, more than one hundred planes - civilian as well as RIAF - carried the soldiers with requirements. Jinnah got furious and ordered General Gracy, the acting Commander in Chief of Pak Army to send Pak troops. But the General refused saying he required orders from Field Marshal Auchinleck, who flew next day to Lahore and explained to Jinnah that in the event of war breaking out, the British Officers in Pak Army would be withdrawn. Indian Military operations were lead by the Mahar Battalions under Major General Kalwant Singh. Their stay was for 18 months. Their work was highly appreciated. They stopped the aggression and repealed the enemy with great valor. It was exclaimed that if they were allowed to fight fully, there would have been no POK.

On 1st November 1947, Governor General Lord Mountbatten flew to Lahore, and suggested to Jinnah that the plebiscite should be under UN, but Jinnah pressed for it to be under joint control of Governor-Generals of both India and Pak. On 4th November, Prime Minister of Pakistan, Liyakat Ali Khan announced the accession to India to be a Fraud. India went to the United Nations, for a resolution. India said that Pakistan had attacked a neutral State and that State had now become part of India. Therefore, Pakistan should withdraw its soldiers from the State. The United Nations agreed with the Indian demand and asked Pakistan to withdraw its forces from Jammu & Kashmir. It also told India to ask the people of Jammu & Kashmir whether they wanted to be part of India or part of Pakistan. This was because some people in the State wanted to join Pakistan while others wanted to stay with India. India agreed to ask the people what they wanted through a referendum or plebiscite. Pakistan did not agree and refused to vacate the areas of Jammu & Kashmir it had forcibly grabbed. Because of this a plebiscite could not be held.

Pakistan argues that the Maharaja was forced by India to sign over Kashmir to them while India maintains that this was not the case. Pakistan also argues that the people of Kashmir (Kashmiris) were never given a chance to decide their future as the Maharaja never consulted with them. Since Muslims make up the majority of the population, Pakistan claims that Kashmir should be a part of Pakistan. The United Nations passed three resolutions calling for a plebiscite to be held but India ignored such calls. Many believe that India refuses to hold a plebiscite for fear that the majority of Kashmiris would vote to join Pakistan. Since then, India and Pakistan have gone to war thrice over Kashmir, the first in 1947-48, next in 1965 and the recent Kargil War. Over the years, sporadic clashes have taken place between the two sides.

Following the first war, a cease-fire was declared and a Line of Control (LOC) was drawn separating the two sides. The LOC left two thirds of Kashmir under Indian control and the remaining one-third under Pakistani control. The Indian-controlled part of Kashmir is called Jammu and Kashmir. The Pakistani-controlled sector is called Azad or Free Kashmir.

Current Affairs

So who is right and who is wrong? Whose rightful claim is Kashmir? Ours or theirs? Who are they? Weren’t we all part of a country which ‘is merely a geographical expression, which is no more a single country than the Equator’, sometime back? The head portion of Indian maps which you and me used to painstakingly draw in our geography classes, with those twin hat like projections, are no longer part of the land within Indian LOC. Are the issues between India and Pakistan bigger than what can be solved by bilateral talks?

Nobody wants a solution. The Indian political top-shots and the Pakistan military top-shots want a presentable cause for all their problems. Onion price rise in Mettuppalayam is attributed to the heavy shelling in Kargil point 4550 which causes an increase in the ‘year to date military expenditure’. Each and every kid of Lahore or Peshawar is aware, thanks to the newspapers and TV channels, that the bomb blast occurred in the nearby street is masterminded by RAW. And then there are foot soldiers on both sides getting sacrificed at the alter of our pseudo national pride. What do we gain by this incessant war? Why cant we just draw a line wherever we stand right now and call it the end of the day, or conduct an opinion poll and then move on with life? The cover page of an issue of ‘The Week’ some years back had a big question mark at the end of a sentence.

Peace or a piece of land?

The Great Money Vanishing Trick at the Land of 3 ‘F’s

“Da, what abt going goa? Monday and Tuesday are holidays, right?” It was Sabari at the other end of the line, asking me these questions at around 3.30 in the afternoon on Friday, 10^th October 2003. That was all the discussion and planning we had to fix our Goa trip. I checked who else was coming and was told that only Salim was available. The rest of the gang was either working through the weekend or had already left for their own respective hometowns. I was at our Seepz office and he was calling me from a travel agent’s place at Vashi. I had as usual come to office and didn’t even have an extra pair of undergarments with me for the trip. But that can not be considered as a good reason to postpone a trip to Goa. I committed and asked him to pack some extra T-Shirts and shorts for me. :_)

All set. Volvo to Goa starts from Vashi at 6.00 PM and I am a good 45 minutes away (during normal traffic) from the place. It was Ganesh Utsav time, and anticipating a heavy traffic and blocks, I left my office at 4.30 PM, giving myself double the time needed, took a BEST bus, and started my (then unknown) long journey from Seepz to Vashi. I don’t remember how many Ganesh processions I saw (or rather participated in) that day. The only thing I remember now is I stopped counting when it reached three digit figures. My bus proceeded so slow that I seriously contemplated the idea of walking all the distance to Vashi :_(. Sabari was calling me every 5 minutes and was in turn updated about the current location, which changed very rarely. Finally, somehow, I managed to reach Vashi at 5.58. Straight to a mall, bought three jockeys and a towel, and I was all set to start my trip.

The journey was uneventful... We reached Panchim on Saturday morning. As soon as we got down from the bus, an Omni came to a screeching halt barely a foot away from us. Having seen this in a number of movies, we waited (with bated breath) for the door to slide open and terrorists to jump out with outstretched AK 47s... Nothing of that sort happened... A tourist guide got out and approached us with a broad smile, promising to find us a hotel room for 50 Rs. Relieved; we agreed and got into the cab. Usual bargains at the hotel. At last, we settled for a room with three beds and a TV set. We had to pay double the rent because of the TV, but the sad fact is we never switched it on even once.

The next four days went in beach hoping, digging into delicious seafood, babe watching and fun in general. We started with a visit to Dona Paula. Have to admit that I was pretty impressed with the legend of the lady coming to that beach in the evenings. The list of conquered beaches grew fast- Baga, Vagator, Benaulim, Colva, Anjuna, Miramar, Candolim, Calangute etc etc... We climbed on top of all possible forts. Aquada deserves a special mention. Every fort and beach we went, we were told that all those movies, which have at least a distant shot of a sea, were completely shot there. Anyways, it was nice fun posing at the spot where Urmila supposedly sat for Rangeela. :_). I don’t know if you people have seen one particular advertisement of a lubricant which portrays 4 marine pegs and a woman. We saw some similar marine pegs at one place, and took a snap of us caressing those pegs ;_D.

All was going fine until we reached Calangute. Salim, who is the die-hard nature lover of our group, had started his nonstop commentary, “What a beach maaan.... look at those waves....that bird...wow...woow”. Problem with him is he will go on ‘wow’-ing on practically everything he sees around including a muddy pond or even a crow. All mellow and romantic (sadly no company, even then) we descended the long steps leading to Calangute beach. It was then that we saw a gathering where people were betting on cards. 3 cards. 2 blacks and 1 red. Thoroughly shuffled and placed upside down. If u keep ur money on top of the red card, u get double the money back, else u lose all.

As bad luck would have it, we were interested in that bloody game. Stood watching that for sometime and I could see a smile growing on Sabari’s lips. He told us “Aliya, I am fast enough to see where the red goes, I am gonna bet”, with that typical lopsided laugh. We didn’t say anything. In the next round, he took out a 100 Rs Indian $ note and placed it on a card, which he diagnosed to be red. BOOOM... the card turns out to be black. He lost his first 100. We should have stopped with that highly rewarding first round of cards. No, he (or we, at least we should have dragged him away) didn’t stop. The club-owner (aka cheater) offered him a ‘double’, whatever that bloody term means. He said, “Keep 500, u will get 2000 if u win”. Sabari becomes double alert, takes out a 500 Rs note, observes the club-owners fingers very carefully and keeps it in the next round. Wonder of wonders!!! Black again and that money also disappears. We the fools didn’t stop with that also (should have run away from that place at least then). Now comes the ultimate challenge. As if being sympathetic with our lose, the club-owner showed us the card from the left end which turns out to be black. He lifts the rightmost card also, which is also black. And then he says, “Now you know which is what, if you keep 2000, you will get 5000 back” We the morons were damn tempted, we carried out a high level strategic discussion, pooled in money, and placed the money on the remaining card, extremely happy about our unexpected fortune change. The guy casually flicks the card, and lo and behold, that’s a BLAK again. :_( Those buggers had changed the card while we were conducting our high-level discussion. This was a simple way of losing 2.5 grands in less than 2.5 minutes.

We were dejected for the next fifteen minutes. Then I said, “Da, this is a lesson for you. Remember there is nothing called a free meal”. His reply was quick “No, on the contrary, this proves that there IS something called a free meal”. Salim and I were perplexed. Sabari continued “Yea... for HIM...” pointing at that buffoon who fooled us. Anyways, we decided to forget abt the incident. More beaches, more fish, and more babes (read only mode)... :_). That evening we went for that unforgettable Santa Monica cruise. Salim had to return the next day morning as he had some project work. It was then that we rented out a YAMAHA ENTICER and started exploring Goa on that. Man, it was absolutely heavenly. Beaches and bike ride for 2 days.

We decided to go back to Calangute on the bike, as we heard the beach had a very good restaurant. This time we entered the beach thru another road, avoiding the card-game-cheater altogether. After lunch, we had this bright idea of riding through the beach. I had this doubt “Da, its illegal, will there be any problems?” Sabari was at his assuring best, “No man, this is Goa, rules are liberal, no problem here”. We had to ride through a stony terrain to reach the beach. We drove through the beach to our hearts content – circles, spirals, towards sun, away from sun, chasing waves... We took some snaps also. Once we were done, we tried to get the bike out of the beach. It was then that we noticed a police officer who was watching the entire great-goa-bike-show. He was very polite and just asked us to accompany him to the Police Station. Regular scenes at the police station - we came out of the Station after paying 500 Rs for riding on the beach. Thus, Calangute turned out to be a nightmare for SabriMan and me. Next time I go Goa, I am sure I will stay away from that area. :_)

Now about the title. During one of our beach trips, the travel guide asked this question. “Goa is famous as the land of 3 Fs... could you guess?” There were answers like “Female, Female and more Female” ;_) But the right answer turned out to be

1. Fish
2. Fenny
3. and the last one is Football...(surprising, uh? Not when you think of Salgaocar, Dempo, Churchill Brothers and Vasco)

Blood on my face!

The sound of an alarm going off is something I hate to listen to. It is placed right next to ‘talking to an HR manager’ in my hate list. Sometime back I found a way to avoid listening to an alarm, by simply not setting the alarm. Recently I have gone one step further. I threw my alarm out of the window and never bothered to buy a new one. Thus these days I wake up on my own. The routine after waking up has become very much robotic these days... Things I do are pre defined like the steps of an algorithm.

I wake up, go straight to the front door doing a sleep-walk, pick up the newspaper. When I say newspaper, I mean ‘The Hindu’. I consider it to be the only one which can be called a news paper. I pick up the news paper and head straight to the toilet. Having an infotainment intake while doing a biological dump is absolutely necessary for me. (In case the newspaper guy forgets to put the paper, I look for a book or magazine.) The sheet that is taken in is decided based on the day of the year and the things happening worldwide. If there was an Indian cricket match or balls were send across a lawn tennis court on the previous day, I take the sports page(s) in. If on the other hand, the news paper is filled with trash like Palestine-Chechnya issues and Manmohan Singh vouching for Natwar Singh’s chastity (or whatever), I prefer to take the supplement Metro Plus in. A strip of Calvin and Hobbes is any day preferred.

After a lot of cost benefits analysis conducted over a number of days, bath has been assigned a slot immediately following the above described ‘action’. One advantage of having a toilet bathroom combination is that you save one opening and closing of doors. The next in line in my above mentioned algorithm is brushing my teeth. Then comes the most difficult task of of the morning, ie deciding whether or not to shave. It’s a pain to shave everyday, and if I can convince myself that my stubbles give me a ruf-n-tuf look, I happily skip shaving for the day. I miss that lady who used to force me to come with clean cheeks by reminding me almost daily that ‘gentlemen shave’ .

Today morning, I finished all the tasks up to shaving as usual. I started the complex to-shave-or-not-to-shave debate with myself. It was then that I remembered that I have an appraisal meeting today, and decided in favor of the act of shaving. My Mach3 in action. When I was doing some masterful strokes across my jaw line, I started thinking about accidental cuts during shaving. Usually you get a cut when you are in a hurry, when you are shaving before an important meeting or before a date with your dream girl, and you end up going to the great occasion with a band-aid plastered across your face. It was ages since I had my last cut, as these days, I don’t get tensed no matter what the situation is, and on top of that I was not in a hurry as I had all the time in the world at my disposal. My thoughts reached thus far, and the next instant I see blood on my face :_) Dunno how it happened, but I managed to cut my lower lip. The wound was not deep, but since Mach3 is damn sharp, bleeding doesn’t stop easily. I looked in the mirror and saw a red dot enlarging on my lower lip, like the one Carrie Anne Moss had on hers in Memento ;_).

It was then that another thought flashed in my mind. A number of Bollywood scenes in which 'a hero cuts his fingers and the heroine carefully sucks the blood with all the tenderness in the world' came rushing to my mind. I missed having a dear darling who would have done that exact same thing with my lips ;_). Kudos to Chetan Bhagat who wrote somewhere - men become romantic in the most unexpected situations and for the weirdest of reasons. :_D. There I was, with a Mach3 in my arm, a cut and a red blood spot on my lower lip, and looking for my sweet heart who would wipe it away in a romantic manner.

“buddy you are a young man...

you got blood on ya face

you big disgrace...”

Don’s 20

Its tagging season and jithU tagged me...

I am... – my space-time and some junk coordinates

3. I am a software engineer by profession, and unlike most software professionals, I love my job.

9. I am from the ‘gods own country’ of the nation of ‘snake charmers, maharajas, elephant rides and tiger hunts’. I speak the wonderful tongue-twisting tongue popularly known as Mallu.

4. I am an atheist as far as my religion and beliefs (or the lack of them) go.

18. I am a pure non-vegetarian.

I believe... – my guiding principles or the lack of them

1. I believe in the simple principle ‘do unto others as they have done unto you”, and this forms the basis of my interaction with others. Thus, my relationship with a person starts with the assignment of 0 points to him/her, no matter how good or how bad are the stories I have heard about him/her. With each interaction, I add or subtract points, and at any point of time, my interaction with that person depends on his balance point. And, no, I don’t carry around a notepad to note down the points, it happens automatically. The only exception to the above rule is for the ladies, who get a +10 points head start in the beginning ;_)

2. I believe there are no ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’, no ‘absolute-goodness’ and ‘to-be-dreaded-evil’.

19. I believe in the power of human mind, and I am sure I, or anybody else, will be able to do anything, yes just about anything, if the need/urge is strong enough.

5. I believe in ‘do what you wanna do, be what you wanna be’. So sometimes, I don’t do things which I don’t feel like doing.

I love... – rational motives for my existence

7. I love to spend time with my family. My dad’s fam (cousins and uncles) is like a close friend gang with teasing, gossiping, rumors and laughter doing rounds all the time. My cousin got married last week. After the function, the gilrs’ family came to drop her at my cousin’ place. When the relatives were getting ready to leave, we (uncles, cousins) approached the girl with questions like “Arent u gonna cry...? ur parents...all these years... they r going back... u no crying?” That poor thing started crying very soon. That was when my dad chipped in by asking my cousin to join in if he feels like doing so...

10. I love to be with my friends, to party, go for trips and have a merry jolly time. I manage to do this most of the time.

12. I love to drive automobiles. I am absolutely crazy about driving. An offer to allow me to drive an automobile is the easiest way to lure me into anything.

16. I love playing badminton and football - The sports I used to play as a kid and a teenager and the ones I enjoy the most.

I hate... – Turnoffs

17. I hate it when my colleagues are unprofessional in professional business.

8. I hate to be kept waiting when somebody is late for an appointment. I appreciate punctuality a lot.

11. I hate to stand in Qs. I try to pay everything through my ICICI infinity account or my credit cards :_)

20. I hate hard rock, heavy metal, for no particular reason.

Miscellaneous...

13. My spelling is atrocious. A full page without M$ Word and WordWeb is next to impossible. (The first atrocious I tried here had two‘t’s in it) :_)

6. I think I am open-minded. I try to treat relationships with discretion and respect. I also try to be logical and rational as far as possible. (All these as long as my temper is under my control)

14. The reason why I took computers for engineering was that I had taken electronics for my PUC and was fed up with it. :_)

15. “Burning the bridges behind you...” has always happened in my life.... always....

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